Do it all again

Do you ever feel like you’d like to start your life over again and do things differently? 

If I could have another go, I would do it all very differently.

the benefit of hindsight, age and wisdom would have driven a very different road to the one I’m on, but of course without those things I am where I am.

i wish I knew what is wrong with me. 

and when did stop being a woman? Someone at work, who I consider to be one of my friends, said the other day that I am more like a bloke. He meant it as a compliment I’ m sure, but it depressed me. That’s how a lot of my colleagues think of me. One of the lads, a mate, etc.  but I want to be girlie. I love pink, I adore makeup, I’d love to wear sexy dresses if only i didn’t look like a cadburys mis-shape in any I try on…

it’s not going to change now.

this weekend has been awful. One of the worst in ages. Partly because it’s October, but also because it’s hardly been daylight for two days.  And I haven’t spoken to anyone all weekend except for some partial sentences from M and a few words with people this evening at the dog agility. 

And on Facebook there are photos of happy, smiling families, couples and friends enjoying life.

so yes, I would do it all differently.

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