Couldn’t stop crying this morning. Strange after so long.
I should have recognised the melancholy the other day was leading up to a return of the black dog…
Anyway, I got it under control before emerging from my room as I didn’t want Marion to see that I’d been crying. I spend most of my time nowadays pretending everything is hunky dory!
And what did I do to cheer myself up? Had a full English breakfast – Cumberland sausage, bacon, fried egg, potato cakes, bread and butter. Being fed up about gaining a stone in weight has motivated me to eat more. Hmmm,.
It cheered me up for five minutes or so, while I experienced the energy rush from all the sugar and fat 🙂
I decided keeping busy was the best thing to avoid sliding into depression, so I popped out into town before going for my walk with Archie. I picked up my prescription, then wandered down to look at the sales. Another of my five minute cheering up rituals – spending money that I can’t afford. Got a couple of pairs of trousers for work and a pair of shoes. Briefly happy before I started worrying about getting into debt.
Then I met a couple I know. Happy new year they shouted over, ,cheerily. Then proceeded to tell me all about their exciting plans for their daughters wedding, etc, etc. I came away just a bit more down….
Met another happy new yearer, then another, both cheerily wishing me all the best, etc. By the time I got home I was crying again! Composed myself before going inside, but m had seen me in the garden blowing my nose!
‘You been crying?’ She asked.
‘Ill be ok in a minute’ says I.
‘Whats the matter?’
In a moment of weakness, I answered ‘ just the whole new year thing. Met some people, etc.’
‘Its just another day!’ She said
‘ I know. It just made me think about the year ahead. Can’t stand the thought of another year like all the others.’
‘Thats daft. Life is what you make it. It’s no good wishing for something else. Make the most of what you have.’
So before I dissolved in desperate sobbing, I started to clean the kitchen.