I don’t know why, but I suddenly stopped blogging. For a long time, it was very important to me – it was a way to communicate with the world on my own terms. Communication is relative – I talk to people all day at work, but very little of myself is exposed. Discussing data migration, VOC emissions or scrap performance is easy when I am so familiar with the subjects and after 30 years working here it would be criminal if I didn’t know the subjects. But those are not real conversations. I don’t let people see the real me at work, so the blog was a way to express what I can’t in day to day situations.
So why did I stop? I’m still not sure, but I kind of gave up trying to communicate with anybody at all. It seemed so pointless expressing my thoughts on this page when I was very unlikely to meet any of the readers (if there are any). That human contact is still missing. SO what have I been doing with myself instead?
Not a lot. I walk the dog still, go to work, have the occasional trip away. Life goes on. In some ways I am marking time, but until what I don’t know. I can’t say I’m particularly depressed, although I have no interest in anything. I’m in some kind of torpor, where it’s almost impossible to motivate myself to do anything. so I guess writing this today is an improvement.