I don’t know why, but I suddenly stopped blogging. For a long time, it was very important to me – it was a way to communicate with the world on my own terms. Communication is relative – I talk to people all day at work, but very little of myself is exposed. Discussing data migration, VOC emissions or scrap performance is easy when I am so familiar with the subjects and after 30 years working here it would be criminal if I didn’t know the subjects. But those are not real conversations. I don’t let people see the real me at work, so the blog was a way to express what I can’t in day to day situations.
So why did I stop? I’m still not sure, but I kind of gave up trying to communicate with anybody at all. It seemed so pointless expressing my thoughts on this page when I was very unlikely to meet any of the readers (if there are any). That human contact is still missing. SO what have I been doing with myself instead?
Not a lot. I walk the dog still, go to work, have the occasional trip away. Life goes on. In some ways I am marking time, but until what I don’t know. I can’t say I’m particularly depressed, although I have no interest in anything. I’m in some kind of torpor, where it’s almost impossible to motivate myself to do anything. so I guess writing this today is an improvement.
Barbara Murray Art 
No, there are no readers here at all. Not even me 🙂
I know what you mean by that torpor. It’s like walking when you are tired, but instead of slogging away one foot after another, it is one day after another waiting for something to happen. Having new and interesting combinations of aches and pains helps distract from the monotony, but as winter recedes, so do the aches and pains (hopefully). As summer slowly approaches I hope to do more and see more – assuming summer is warm, dry and bright !
I hope summer shakes me out of the torpor. Here’s hoping it is sunny and bright…