Positive mind

Everything has been going really well for me lately, very positive stuff happening.  I had a lovely weekend in London doing start trek stuff and meeting up with a good friend. Work has been good – I got my company car finally and also a pay rise, I have been complimented on how well I run our compliance systems by the team from head office in the USA. then there was the award we won for environmental and energy awareness last week – got my photo in the papers and had a chat on local radio. This weekend there was the AGM of the pencil society (of which I am chair) and that went well too. HAd a lovely meeting up with fellow artists and friends.

So tell my why, when I woke up this morning, was I so depressed I just wanted the world to end?

What is it about me? Why can’t I just enjoy the good stuff? Why does my brain do this to me when I should be on top of the world?

It wasn’t a conscious thought either. It was the first waking moment – a black, bleak fucking great big cloud as soon as my eyes opened.I was OK when I went to bed last night; tired, but OK. I’d done my radio interview, watched a bit of telly, read a couple of chapters of my current book, fell asleep fairly quickly and didn’t wake through the night at all. Then this!  So now here I am at work fighting the urge to go and curl up in a ball somewhere so I don’t have to interact with people, pretending I’m fine, laughing and smiling, when inside I am so screwed up it’s unbelievable.

think positive, people will say. But I do.

And a fat lot of bloody good it does.

 

 


One thought on “Positive mind

  1. It’s like coming down from any high. It’s only the intensity that is unusual. If you expect it before it happens you can make yourself feel slightly good for a few minutes while you feel smug for predicting it correctly. (Maybe – try it one day, it may not be bullshit),

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