That glass :-)

I read a quote recently about that glass half full/empty theory.

it went something like ‘while you optimists and pessimists were arguing about whether the glass was half full or half empty, I drank it. The opportunist ‘

‘I quite like that! I have pretty much always been a bit of an optimist though, despite the miserable posts I sometimes make on here. Even when I have been at my lowest, i do always believe deep down that things will be ok in the end. If I didn’t believe that, I don’t know how I would have coped sometimes. That’s what gets me though the down days, I know that tomorrow is a new day and it will most probably be better than today.

from the earliest memory I have, I’ve been a day dreamer. Dreaming has sustained me through my loneliest times. When I I was little, I invented stories involving me and imaginary scenarios, where I was the most popular girl in school, or I did something really brave and was hailed the hero!

everything opposite to reality!

but it did in fact help me as a child and I think made me optimistic. I believed that the things I dreamed about would happen and one day I would be that hero.  In some ways, I’m still a bit of a dreamer. Dreadfully practical and organised at work or when tackling any job at home, but I can sit and daydream for hours if the mood takes me. 

Daydreaming is lovely. It takes me away from reality and I can be anyone or anything I want to be. My favourite at the minute is a lovely scenario, where I have a huge, warm kitchen full of kids and friends; a place where everyone is welcome, where I entertain loads of people and where I have a loving partner by my side. That little daydream cheers me up on dull days.

its only in recent years that I have really come to notice the lack of anyone in my life. The little dream is a tell-tale sign that is what I’m missing. Children, grand children, brothers, sisters, a partner…. That’s what’s life is about, surely?

Maybe it is, but maybe not. I’m ok actually. I can please myself what I do, where I go. I can spread out in bed without bumping into somebody! I don’t have to worry that my snoring will keep someone awake, there are lots of good things about being alone.

the only real negative is the lack of cuddles, or hugs. I stopped getting hugs when I was quite young I suppose. My dad had a heart attack when I was 7 and after that he was rather remote and the cuddles stopped. Mum still hugged me up until her illness when i was 12, but couldn’t do it after that. She didn’t know who I was most of the time and was more likely to hit me than cuddle me!

certainly after they died there were no hugs at all, me having no other family. Then without boyfriends, hugs just didn’t happen.

i never thought about missing them really and in the end, I just became unable to hug anyone. 

Friends did try and hug me latterly, but I hated the physical contact and just wouldn’t cuddle anybody at all.

Somebody came along and cured me of that avoidance. For the first time in my life I enjoyed a hug. Boy, did I enjoy those hugs!  I felt so safe in those strong arms and so cosy, warm and loved. It was amazing!

since then, I have been able to hug lots of people. I hug friends who are upset, people I haven’t seen for a while, friends I meet for drinks, god children, all sorts of people. Last week a lad from the factory left to go to a new job and when I went to say goodbye to him, I gave him a big hug. He got a wee bit emotional but I think he was pleased that someone would miss him!  Five years ago, I would never have done that. I would have wished him luck, maybe is hook his hand, but hugging? Never!

its like I’ve been released from a spell…..

thank you magic hugger.











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