I’m never gonna be beautiful.
I’m overweight, I have awful bingo wings, my teeth are crooked and I wear specs.
However, what has dawned on me over the last few months is that none of that matters.
I am who I am.
And to tell the truth, I can be quite beautiful on the inside. I have no family, but I love my friends dearly and will be loyal to them until the end of time. I care deeply about all living things and often weep when I see ads on TV about starving children, cruelty to kids, animals and the elderly; or indeed when I see a dead animal at the side of the road.
I help people when I can and I am mostly kind and considerate to everyone.
After nearly 50 years I have finally come to like myself.
Things happened in my early childhood that caused me to spend my life desperately trying to make people love me. Trying too bliddy hard, actually. And when inevitably they left, I was absolutely convinced it was always my fault for not being good enough.
You know what? The penny has finally dropped! If people don’t love me, it’s not my fault. There’s a heck of a lot to love, I just don’t have to try so hard to prove it…
So now that this revelation has happened, I am relaxing into who I really am, crooked teeth and all and if I find love, then so be it. If not, I will be ok without it.
Lots of things have helped me resolve this over the last couple of years. Firstly, somebody did love me for a while, something I thought would never be possible. Then the new friends that have come into my life lately have been so positive. One told me that I am the only person he knows that can make him laugh out loud; another said that I am really good fun to be with.
Then there are the good friends who have supported me through the bleak depression and who have been constants in the darkness.
So, indeed, this is me.
Like me if you wish, love me if you can. I will repay you with friendship and loyalty and love.
Barbara Murray Art 