I’m not houseproud, never have been. But the house is always clean, it’s just untidy! I don’t see the point of putting everything away all the time; it’s supposed to be a home that’s lived in not a show house. I always liked the expression ‘An immaculate house is the sign of a dull woman’! But, even I am becoming frustrated with the mess at the moment. The builders are in, doing the sitting room, which has been totally demolished. The ceiling came down as it was old and cracked and loose; the floor was dug up to put down a damp proof membrane to cure the rising damp; the walls were cleared of all the plaster to cure the damp – right down to bare brick.
Obviously, the furniture that was in the sitting room is now in the rest of the house – mostly in the dining room, which has become very claustrophobic and dark. The whole house is covered in a thick layer of dust every day and although the builders are very good at clearing up after themselves, there is the inevitable mess after they every day.
To top it all, there’s no TV. All the satellite cables, etc are in the sitting room and have been removed for the duration. The landline phone has also stopped working (not that anyone ever rings me!) Having said that, I am finding it quite good not to have a TV, which sometimes gets put on out of habit. There’s not much I really like to watch…
Today is the birthday of a friend of mine, so Happy Birthday Bill if you happen to read this. Hope he’s had a good day, doing whatever he prefers. It’s funny how some people are just good friends, even though you haven’t known them all that long. But he has been extremely supportive and ever such a good listener (he writes beautifully too). Many of you will know that I have battled with depression for years. Actually, all my life I think! So when I am feeling particularly low, it’s wonderful to have a friend like Bill…
I hope I am some good to him too at times when he needs it.
Back to art. The results are coming back from the judges for the annual exhibition, so when they have been compiled, it’s my job to let the 200 or so people know whether they’ve been successful in getting accepted for the exhibition or not. I’m also one of the hopefuls, so have my own fingers crossed too. And in case you wonder, I don’t have anything to do with the marking or collating of marks.
Consequently, there may be a lack of posts and a lack of artwork! But it’s in a good cause.
Barbara Murray Art 
Thanks Barbara. I’ve had a pleasant day doing very little after a very brief burst of domestic chores this morning. It’s feels sort of odd to get praise for doing so little to help you, or at least it doesn’t feel like I’ve done anything special except maybe to try and understand a bit. As for my writing……..I’m having a hard time trying to make this writing beautiful. My brain feels a bit foggy right now. Maybe it’s too sober, and I’ve just this very minute decided I ought to do something about that 🙂
As for depression……have you noticed it comes in a multitude of flavours ? I can’t claim to understand yours. On the face of it, it seems you have so much going on that it is surprising that you have time for depression. Yet I don’t doubt that is the way you feel. One of the hardest things to do is to explain, in terms that others can understand, just why you are depressed. My own depression is possibly milder than your own, or maybe my inherent laziness just means I can’t be bothered to go to all the trouble of taking it seriously for too long. Maybe, and perhaps even probably, it is that same laziness that stops me converting fairly regular good times into something more continous instead of isolated good times in a sea of nothingness.
There is something I can say that I know will instantly change your mood. Earlier on I was reading in bed, and at the end of a chapter I decided to quickly check facebook where I found the link to this new page. So you are now about to either smile, or reel away in horror as I confess to writing this stark naked !!! I’m now getting back in bed to hide my shame (and to read another chapter) 🙂
He he! See, you cheered me up again! You’re right about depression taking many forms. The strange thing is, that it has nothing to do with how much is going on in my life. Yes, on the face of it, I do have a lot of stuff happening, most of which I do to stop myself thinking too much!
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy most of what I do. But loneliness can hit harder when I’m in the midst of a group of people having a good time. My depression isn’t about feeling sad or down, but it’s like a huge train hits me, takes me down underground into a black hole that I know I will never get out of.
The hard work for me is climbing up out of that hole every time; putting on a smiley face, forcing myself out of bed in the morning and being normal, when all I really want to do is curl up into a ball under my duvet and go to sleep for ever.
It’s hard to put into words…
But the good news is that friends like you and Judith help loads. So thank you x